The Marriage Bed

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I love Hebrews 13:4a.  No matter the translation I find, it upholds the concept of keeping the marriage bed undefiled and pure.  "Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled..."

SO, if God already declared it sin, then it has no place in the marriage bed.  Otherwise...have fun!

We both read a lot in order to help us get situated from a whole lot of defilement we'd endured and experienced before we were married.   Below are some resources we think and feel you might like as you engage in biblical marriage*.

*We recommend NOT going into these materials before marriage.  

1st and foremost is the Old Testament book the Song of Solomon.  Whew!  It's spicy!!  

    A quick note:  At this writing, we hear AI (artificial intelligence) is seeking to rewrite the Bible, so we highly recommend getting a physical copy in your own hands.  Free bibles are made available by many places, so maybe a google search with "Free bibles in my area" will give you ideas of places you can get your hands on one fast.  Too, almost all stores like Walmart carry the good book.  It is after all, or so we have heard, the greatest selling book of all time.  If you want to order it online and have it delivered, any major book store will have numerous copies.  We personally like our trusty old, thick paged NKJV study bible from Nelson Publishing.  It works great for taking notes, and has handled well my rugged hauling of it all over the country for many decades.  You can find something similar here.  Our friend Christian Jewish friend in Jerusalem recommends the NET.  You might like knowing we have had the KJV audio playing quietly 24/7 in our home for more than 15 years.  

Continually asking the Holy Spirit, and trusting Him for your marriage bed life is our number one suggestion.  I am certain that without any other materials other than the Holy Scriptures and the Holy Spirit, your marriage can be fully aflame and wonderful!!  

Below are materials I/we used in order to help get our minds around the concepts of wholesomeness after sexual sins.

Please note:  a plethora of troubles come to a society where a God-centered marriage bed is not one of the central focuses of life.   We can wax eloquent elsewhere in our other blogs about such things.  Below are some recommendations for knowledge, fun, and to understand, first for those who are coming to marriage with a pure heart and body, and then followed by resources for those who might need to repair and restore due to the second part of that Hebrews verse.

Holy Sex
by
Michael Pearl
I loved this book so much!  I have my copy waiting to give to my daughter on her wedding day!!  I highly recommend this for new couples!!  You can find it here on amazon.

Biblical Lovemaking: A Study of the Song of Solomon
by
Dr Arnold G Fruchtenbaum

I recommend this book to couples!!  You can find I there on amazon.  

I (Kate) found a lot of great info on a site which used to be called Christian Nymphos, the idea being that a healthy desire for sexual intimacy with husband is a godly, holy thing.  I am not sure the site is still up (oh, that would be sad if it's gone!).  Here is a link to an interview with them (the authors of the site); as I recall at least one of them was a pastors' wife.  As of this writing on October 27, 2025 it looks like the site is sadly no longer active.  I did find this referring to it....and please take that with a grain of salt, as I have not looked at all at the rest of that site which gives a good mention of the women who started the original blog.

For Struggles:

Now onto our official recommendations for those who've been in the world of the second part of that Hebrews verse: "...but fornicators and adulterers God will judge." Hebrews 13:4b

Every Woman's Battle: Discovering God's Plan for Sexual and Emotional Fulfillment
by 
Shannon Ethridge
I was very grateful for this book, as it pointed to areas I had no idea were vulnerabilities for my feminine heart and mind.  I highly recommend it for all wives!!!  You can find it on amazon here.  I still refer back to it mentally all these many years later.  VERY practical!!

Every Man's Battle: Winning the War on Sexual Temptation One Victory at a Time
by
Stephen Arterburn 
Fred Stoker

This book was a great help to me (wife), and I feel like it helped me understand how to encourage my husband as he went from bouncing his eyes towards what visually pleased him (training from his youth), to honoring our marriage by training himself to bounce his eyes away.  VERY helpful and insightful for naive wives.

The Secrets of Eve: Understanding the Mystery of Female Sexuality 
by
Archibald D Hart, PhD
Catherine Hart Weber, PhD
Debra L Taylor, MA

You can find it on amazon using our affiliate link here

The Sexual Man: Masculinity without Guilt
In 2010, we purchased this as we were coming to the end of our difficulties with having lived through sexual drama prior to being married.  It was a big help, for reasons which have long since escaped me.  You can find it here on amazon.  It's not for the faint of heart, but does open the eyes as to the importance of an undefiled marriage bed which is full of passion and fun.







She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman
by
Ian Kerner, PhD
This book was eagerly devoured by my husband, who was very intent on knowing all he could.  You can find it on amazon here, and audible as well.